neverbreaks | IC Inbox for Kaisou

Yeah. [ Mostly happy, anyway, because there had still been some disappointment when she'd received her gift. Mostly with her dark and stony room, even though she'd been grateful for its solidness eventually.

But even then, living in a room meant to be unbreakable made her feel more like the dragon in a story than a princess.

The question catches her off-guard, and she draws up a little in surprise. ] No! You didn't...I just - [ The words suddenly jumble around in her mind, and she glances away as she tries to think of how best to explain. ]

I was...worried that you might be...upset with me.

[Ah.

Well, that explained a lot. He realises, inadvertently, he has Pulled an Alma. He sank into his own grief and didn't stop to realise that it would be rippling out to his niece. Guilt sinks in his stomach like a stone but he pushes it back. No. They're supposed to be stopping this guilt feedback. They're supposed to be talking about things. Looking out for each other's wellbeing.

He reaches out to her arm, giving it a gentle squeeze. Her bicep is thicker than two of his hands combined, but he does his best here. ]

I'd never be upset with you mi corazón. You did exactly what you had to do, you kept me alive when I would have been stupid and reckless. I was upset at myself, for not doing enough with my vision. Not realising what was happening with Zelos. For just...not being enough to stop it. But never, not for one second, was I ever upset with you. I'm so sorry if anything I did made you feel like that.

[ She feels the familiar burn of tears behind her eyes as she releases a shuddering breath. Then she shakes her head, keeping her gaze down at his hand on her arm. ] You didn't...You didn't do anything. You were upset, and...I mean, of course you were. Zelos is your friend, and he was killed...who wouldn't be upset about that?

And I knew...deep down I knew that you probably wouldn't really be mad at me. You're not like that, and...and Tía Pepa said that you wouldn't be. [ So it seems that she has talked about this with someone, even a little bit. ] And I knew that there wasn't anything else you could have done...there wasn't anything else that anyone could have done. But there was still a part of me that worried that you'd...resent me for stopping you from helping Zelos and taking you away. Or that I should have done more to help, and I started feeling guilty for not even trying. [ Her fingers tangle in the fabric of her skirt, worrying the material in her hands as the words continue to fall from her lips in a hurry. ] And then I felt even guiltier because I had told you that there wasn't anything else you could have done, but I couldn't stop thinking that I should have done more, even though I know I couldn't.

[ She's trying, trying so hard not to take every burden and every fault on her shoulders, to accept that there are things that she can't and even shouldn't have to do. That just because she's strong, it doesn't mean that she has to take on everything. But it's still a struggle, and the guilt of not doing more never really goes away. ]

And then I started feeling even worse because...I mean, people died! Even though they came back, no one knew that was going to happen. So people died, and those who didn't still thought they had lost someone they cared about. Even when those people came back they were confused, and still hurt, and everyone was going through a difficult time. But... [ Her cheeks started to burn, the familiar feeling of shame once again rising in her chest. ] Even though I was sad for all the people who died too, I was...still more worried about you maybe being upset with me.

[ Even though he wasn't, even though he hadn't given her any reason to think that he might be, she couldn't get the thought out of her head. ]

That...That's why I didn't want to say anything. Because I knew I was being selfish, worrying about something like that when so much else was going on. [ With another heavy sigh, she buries her face in her hands. ] I was just...being stupid.

[He lets her speak, and honestly, he's so glad she did speak to someone about it. It's important, that they don't keep all of this buried. That they get themselves hurt all over again. They need to listen to each other, and be there for each other...they need to be a family. ]

Not ever. You saved my life, Luisa. I could never resent you for that. And you did everything you could be saving me. I never would have wanted you to risk your life going into that mess...which definitely would have happened.

[Strong as she is, she's not stronger than a sword and losing her would have been unbearable. He doesn't want to go through something like that for as long as he lives. Still, he lets her speak, he lets her get it out. She's spent so much of her life suffering in silence. Being the strong, dependable one who never showed a single damn crack.

As much as it hurts to hear her so upset, it's equally so good to hear her let it out. To know she feels safe enough around him to let it out. ]

It wasn't selfish. You're... you're allowed to feel your feelings, Luisa. It wasn't stupid at all. We've had a rough...forever and things are only just getting better again. It's okay to worry about things...not being okay. I worry about things like that, too.

[With his sisters, who have had so much time and distance between them that it feels like he's trying to reach over a chasm to get back to them. And with his nieces and nephews, most of whom he's at best a distant memory or at worst a spectre to them. It's...hard.

He shifts his arm to try and give her an awkward one-armed hug. Best as he can with their size difference, anyway. ]

I'm so proud of you, Luisa. For talking about this. And...thank you. For telling me. I'm sorry you've been having it so rough. I'll... I'm gonna try to do better to help you in the future, okay? So you don't have to feel this bad for so long again.

[ She sucks in a sharp breath, the words somehow both cutting her deep and filling her with a strange, yet familiar kind of warmth. She lowers her hands a little, just enough to brush away some of the tears that managed to fall free, before wrapping an arm around him and pulling him into a side hug. She's too big now for a proper hug anyway, but she can still give other people hugs. ]

Mm...okay. [ Taking another breath, she wipes her face again and glances at Bruno. ] Okay. Thanks...Tío Bruno.

But you...you're allowed to feel your feelings too. If something's wrong, you don't...don't have to act like everything's fine just to take care of me. Or any of us.

We won't...We won't do that anymore. Right?

[He'll do his best to hug her regardless, even if he has to stretch his weedy little arms as far as they can go. ]

Anytime, Luisa.

[He knows talking about his feelings didn't go as well with Julieta. He still worries maybe they're too far gone to get help. But they have to try, for the kids if nothing else. He manages a smile.]

I think we're all a little out of practice on that one, Kiddo. But I promise I'll try my best.

[ Realizing that he might be uncomfortable in his position, she scoots over a bit to give him room to sit beside her and move her notebook to rest in her lap. ]

A little, yeah. But that just means we'll be learning together, right?

[ He's already reminded her often that she doesn't have to do things alone. The least she can do is return the favor when he needs it. ]

[He's happy to sit with her chuckling softly.]

There is that! Maybe we just need to do it as a united front [he nods at her notebook] share notes on the whole thing, y'know?

[ She can't help a faint blush as he draws attention to the notebook, and she places her arm on it, not-so-subtly trying to hide it a bit. ]

R-Right. Exactly.

[ That is totally what this notebook is for. Notes. Yup. ]

[Oh, well, that's a blush and Bruno is just gonna immediately change track, a teasing smile crossing his face. ]

Oh? Is that not what the notebook is for? Is it something else? Is it secret?

[ Her blush darkens slightly, and she manages a faint laugh as she traces the edge of the notebook. ]

Uh...well, it's not really...um...

[ Hesitating for another moment, she then opens the notebook and flips through a couple of pages. Then, though a bit reluctantly, she hands Bruno the notebook.

He'll find that the page she's opened up to is pretty filled, front to back, with Luisa's familiar handwriting, though there are also several lines that are scratched out and rewritten. But if he reads through the text, he'd find that it seems to be some kind of story - or more accurately, a rewrite of the myth of Atalanta and her race against Hippomenes. ]

[Bruno takes the notebook carefully from her, carefully reading it as he flips through the pages. He's clearly taking his time with this and falls quiet for a while as he takes it all in. ]

Luisa, this is really good. I love it! How long have you been working on this?

[ Some of the nervous tension in her shoulders seems to ease at his words, and her smile is a bit surprised but pleased. ]

Really? You do?

[ He's a great writer too, so if he likes it then maybe it isn't as bad as she thought. ]

Uh...for most of the month. [ She gestures to some of the crumpled sheets around her. ] I mean, when I can. But...you know that new girl, Luz? She was telling me about how people sometimes write stories based on things they like - like books, or shows, or movies, or...anything really. And sometimes people rewrite things they don't like about it, or things they might like to see. Mostly just for fun, and they even share stories with people online.

And... [ She blushes again, looking down at her hands and fiddling with her skirt. ] Well, I like mythology, so I...thought I could give it a try.

Of course I do! This is great!

[Tío Bruno is here to provide all the support for Luisa chasing her dreams!!!]

Ohhh, that's nice. So it's like...stories set in stories? That's really clever. And you've done a great job with it! I really do love it a lot. Are you gonna write more?

[ She's still a little embarrassed, but in a sort of stunned, delighted way. ]

Wow, um...Thanks. I'm glad it's okay so far.

Yeah, something like that. They're kind of like "What If" scenarios? Like if the story had gone one way, people can write about what might've happened if things went differently. I'm glad you like it.

[ His opinion means a lot too, since he's so good at coming up with stories. That fact that he likes it does help her feel a lot better about it. ]

I think so. It's actually a lot of fun, and I could probably use more practice.

[ Because given the crumpled sheets around her, it might be easy to tell that the actual process of writing isn't coming entirely easy to her yet. ]

Edited 2022-07-12 05:01 (UTC)

[Embarassment isn't allowed! Only proud uncles!!!]

Oh, I can get that. That's pretty exciting! Thinking about what could have been!

[He lives in a world where he knows what will happen most of the time. The altenative path speaks to him a great deal.]

Well, everything takes time and practice! So long as you keep going at it and you enjoy doing it, the rest will fall into place.

[ With a smile, Luisa nods and gestures to her notebook. ] Yeah. And sometimes things are just...weird? Like in the myth with Atlanta, she agreed to marry the one who could beat her in a race, and Hippomenes won because he distracted her with these golden apples that he'd gotten from Aphrodite? But she's a well-trained warrior, and it doesn't really make sense that she'd be distracted by things like that, even if they did come from a goddess. [ She shrugs a little. ] That's why I wanted to rewrite it, make it a bit different.

Right. I was...thinking of maybe taking some classes at the university. My friend, Bakugou, said that they have creative writing classes there.

Right? Exactly. So you can be "you know what, that is a stupid ending, I'm gonna make it better!" Honestly, anything sounds better than "distracted by golden apples."

[Oh, this is wonderful though! Sure, the Encanto has a school, but it's nothing like what she can learn here. The Encanto is limited to world knowledge before it was formed, nothing really after that. ]

You should do it! I bet you'll learn all kinds of things, and if you enjoy it, then that's even better, right? Being able to do something you love. And I bet you'll get even better at it.

[ She can't help a laugh. ] Exactly! It doesn't make any sense!

[ Sure the apples could have been enchanted or something, but it's still dumb. ]

Yeah, I'd really like to. It sounds like it'd be nice, and I would like to improve. Enrolling in the university does cost money, though. [ She plays a bit with one of the notebook pages. ] Mamá says that it wouldn't be a problem if I wanted to enroll, and not to worry about the money, but...

[ But she's still Luisa. She doesn't want to take away any money that the family might need for something unnecessary. ]

[Oh, Luisa. Bruno's expression gentles. He's never really had to worry about money before coming here- it's not something any of them have had to worry about. ]

Well, I'm sure between us we can help you out. And if you really wanted to help, maybe you could do something little and not stressful at the weekends?

[He knows telling Luisa to not do ANYTHING won't work here, but he also doesn't want her pushing herself too far. So he tries for a happy medium.]

[ Luisa nods a little, though it's a bit distracted as she thinks. ] I guess. But you know, some of the servers at the restaurant? They're in college too, and they work to try to earn enough money for their classes.

So...maybe Mamá would let me do that? Work at the restaurant to try and earn money for my classes too?

[ Julieta already did pay them for working at the restaurant, of course, but Luisa usually uses most of the money she earns for other expenses for the family anyway. But if she was going to start working for her tuition, it would be taking away from some of the family funds, which she still feels guilty for doing. At least this way she'd be earning her schooling, though, instead of taking money from the family for school and from working at the restaurant. ]

Edited 2022-08-02 12:07 (UTC)

[Bruno considers this, huming softly.]

Well, maybe you can use the money you get already towards that? Or...even a little bit of it? We'll be okay, I promise. It's not like we have to pay anything to keep Casita going. You don't have to use all your wages for the family, you know.

[You can't fool him, Luisa, he does the restaurant's books. ]

It'll be okay if you did that. Promise.

[ Luisa can't help the sheepish look to her smile. A part of her knew that she couldn't really get things passed him, but she couldn't help trying anyway. ]

Okay. I just...want to make sure we're okay. And to be fair, I don't use all my wages for the family.

[ She does still have piano lessons that she has to pay for, and she keeps enough for herself for food when she goes through that one week of binge eating. ]

But... [ She laughs a little. ] To be honest, I kind of like the idea of...working to be able to pay for my classes? Because it...it kind of makes it more mine, you know? Something that I'm earning, and doing just for myself. And knowing that it's what other people do makes me feel more like, I dunno, just...like regular people.

[ She feels her face growing a bit warm again, and she plays a bit with one of the crumpled up balls of paper just to have something to do with her hands. ] Is...Is that weird?

I know, but still. We'll be okay. There's still plenty of us, and there's three of us who are adults. You're still only nineteen, you're allowed to be that, y'know.

[He wants her to enjoy being young and full of life while she still can, gosh!]

I guess that makes sense. It's uh...nice to be kinda...regular, right? Like, we don't have to be The Amazing Madrigals here. We can just be that kinda weird family with the weirder house and that's...pretty nice.

[ She can't help what one might call pouting a bit. ] I'm technically an adult too.

[ Because the pout is totally grown-up. ]

Yeah. And there are still things here that I can help out with, but it's...It's nice that it doesn't feel like it's all on us. It's nice getting to just be like other people.

IC Inbox for Kaisou

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)