neverbreaks | IC Inbox for Kaisou

Except I do, because you are my daughter, and I love you. [She reaches out and holds one of Luisa's hands in hers.]

It's okay if you're not okay, Mija. You can tell me. I don't want you keeping it all in. [She reaches up and holds Luisa's cheek, seeing that eye twitch.]

[ She stiffens just slightly at her mother’s touch, and there’s a lump in her throat that prevents her from speaking for a moment.

Then she closes her eyes, and her shoulders slump a little as she releases a slow breath. ] I…I don’t know. The whole thing is…kind of a blur, really. I think I had…hit my head at some point? So I don’t remember a lot of it. Sometimes I can almost pretend it was…just a dream.

[ She doesn’t quite realize it, but the reason everything was so hazy was she had already been halfway gone. ]

I remember feeling…tired. And cold. And there was something saying to let go, but…but I couldn’t. Because Mira was still there, and I couldn’t…I couldn’t just leave her alone.

You must have been so scared. [She rubbed Luisa's arms, hesitant to say how brave the other was, not wanting to add to having to be strong all the time.] And you still kept going.

I'm glad you didn't let go. [She reached up, running her fingers along her hair.] I'm so glad, I am, mi vida.

You don't have to fight like that anymore though, Luisa. It's okay to run away. Sometimes, I wish you would, because it scares me, thinking of you fighting alone like that.

[ Her expression tightened just a bit, and she leaned back a little, just enough to pull away from Julieta's touch. ] I can't. I have to...I'm supposed to protect our family. I'm supposed to keep us all safe. But I couldn't...I wasn't strong enough.

You and Mirabel were kidnapped, taken from here, from Casita. And even going to the land of the fae to help rescue you, we couldn't do anything to bring you home, until the fae agreed to let everyone go if we retrieved the head to throw it in the well on top of the mountain. But the dragon was guarding the well, and I thought... [ She swallowed the growing lump in her throat, and she took a further step back, turning away from Julieta. ] I-I thought I could still help, if I could distract the dragon so that others could get the head to the well. But I wasn't...I-I wasn't strong enough. I never should have...i-if I hadn't been out there, Mirabel wouldn't have...I...

[ Her breath hitched, and she buried her face in her hands to try and keep the tears from falling. ] I'm sorry...I'm so sorry...I couldn't...I couldn't even protect her...because of me, Mirabel...It...It was all my fault!

[She let Luisa pull away from her, and made sure how it broke her heart didn't show on her face. Luisa needed to be able to say what she needed to, what she felt, without having to carry the weight of anyone else's expectations.]

You know, you wanting to help us, wanting to protect your family, it shows how gentle and giant your heart is, mi vida.

[When Luisa started to cry, she reached up and moved Luisa's head onto her shoulders, hugging her and stroking her hair.]

No, it is not your fault. It is not your fault at all, Luisa. It's never been your fault. The fae were the ones who kidnapped us. The fairies were the ones who set those tasks and played their tricks.

You should not take the blame for the horrible actions of others.

Edited 2022-04-24 02:24 (UTC)

[ She can't help tensing, but otherwise doesn't fight as Julieta guides her head to rest on her shoulder. Though she does lean against her a little, her hands remain stiffly at her sides, fingers curled tight and a shudder running through her as she swallows back a sob. She's seen what can happen if her emotions run too high, and the weights in her room are starting to rattle and clang together. She couldn't risk anything happening with her mother there. ]

I-It's still...It's still my responsibility to keep our family safe. That...Th-That's what my gift is for. [ That's what she had been told, and what she'd always believed her purpose is. That her strength was needed to keep their family and the Encanto from harm. ] B-But I couldn't do what I was supposed to do...I-I couldn't protect us.

I wasn't...I wasn't strong enough. The time when my strength was really needed, and I... [ Another shudder ran through her body, and her breath hitched. ] I failed, Mamí.

[ Even if she wasn't to take blame for the actions of others, she still had to take blame for her own...for all that she hadn't been able to do. ]

Mí corazon, it is all our responsibility to protect and look after our family. That's what family does for one another. Your gift is amazing, but it is not all it is for. You are more than your gift. [She shifted to stand up so she could be holding Luisa's cheeks and looked her in the eyes.]

If you are not strong enough, then it is on us to help shoulder it with you. You do not need to keep doing this all by yourself.

You take on so much, Luisa. Please let us help you, like you all help me and everyone else.

Edited 2022-05-01 22:46 (UTC)

[ A part of Luisa still wanted to argue. If she wasn't strong enough to protect her family...if that wasn't what her gift is for, then what is it meant for? What was the point of having it at all?

If she can't be strong enough to protect the people she cared about with her Gift...then what good is it?

And she wants to say that...to ask all these things that made her question everything she thought she knew about herself. But meeting her mother's eyes...she can't bring herself to speak around the sudden lump in her throat. She was already causing Julieta so much concern, so much worry, and asking questions that she probably didn't have the answers for wouldn't help either.

And more than anything, she's just...tired. She's tired, and scared, and she wanted nothing more than to be a child again when all the problems in the world could be chased away just by crawling into her mother's lap.

She's much too big for that now, so instead she reaches up and covers her mothers hands with her own, tears sliding down her cheeks as she closes her eyes. ]

I...I-I don't know what to do, Mamá...

[She pressed kiss after kiss to Luisa's brow before resting her forehead against hers. She then hugs Luisa tightly and looks up towards the ceiling, knowing that there was nothing she could say to make this better. All she could do was be there. She couldn't heal this, she couldn't fix it with one dish like she could so much else. Her daughters did not deserve this. If she could take this from them and bear it alone, she would. Some part of her had always understood her mother's actions and decisions.]

Let it all out, it's okay, mamá is here. Your family is here. You don't have to do any of this alone, mi amor. We'll just take this one day at a time and do what we can. [That's all they COULD do.]

You are not alone. You don't need to do any of this alone.

[ Another shudder passes through body, and with a hitch in her breath she returns the embrace. Even in the midst of her sorrow she's careful of her hold on her mother, knowing how easy it would be to hurt her if she held too tight.

Her strength has always made it difficult, had always made her cautious about how she handles people around her. But it's even worse now, with the panther's strength combining with her own. It's what she thought she'd needed at the time, but it was a new limit that she was unfamiliar with, and it made it hurt all the more that she couldn't just hug someone the way she wanted to, needed to. She just wants to cling to her mother, but she still fears accidentally hurting her.

So she settles for resting her head on her mother's shoulder, the tears flowing freely and a sob bubbling up her throat. ]

...Lo siento...I'm so sorry, Mamá...

[ The words tumble from her lips before she can stop them, and honestly she isn't sure any more what she's apologizing for. But there's still guilt that claws at her heart and twists her stomach, as well as the need to just say something. ]

[She kept stroking Luisa's hair and rubbing circles on her back. Where Luisa could not hug her as hard as she wanted, Julieta could. She hugged Luisa as tightly as her arms would let her. She shook her head.]

You don't need to apologize, mija, you were so brave. You did everything you could. You are amazing and you try so hard. You can cry, you can absolutely cry, but you don't need to apologize, mi vida.

[ Her body trembles as another sob escapes her, and just like that the dam is broken. The tears start falling freely, quickly now that she's lost the strength to hold them back. All she can do is hold on to her mother as the sea of emotions threatens to consume her and drown her completely. ]

[She holds her daughter and lets her get it all out, willing to be there for as long as Luisa needed. She kept stroking her back and hair, never once letting go.]

That's it, let it all out, mija.

[ It feels like hours that she just stands there in Julieta's arms, the tears flowing and a sob occasionally breaking the silence in the room. She can't remember how long it's been since she's cried so much - even during the disaster of a dinner with the Guzmáns and she'd been upset at losing her Gift, she hadn't felt nearly as torn open and raw as she does now.

Losing her Gift then had hurt, yes, and she had been so afraid of failing and letting everyone down. But it was if all the pressure she's held over the years came suddenly crashing over her, riding on the wave of having already failed, of trying to be strong and still not being good enough.

That the one thing she knew best how to do hadn't been enough to protect her family.

At long, long last, the tears start to slow and the silent sobs subside. There's still an ache deep inside her, but it's softened by the feeling of exhaustion, having cried herself until she was empty. ]

IC Inbox for Kaisou

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